Couples Counseling

I believe that everything is rooted in relationships. 

In cases where you and your spouse are both fully committed to addressing the relationship between you, couples counseling is the right tool for the job. Make sure that this is something that you both want to do—because it rarely helps if one person is trying to force the other to engage.

Marriages are the one relationship where two people can experience both the deepest connection and joy and the most pain, confusion, rejection, and hurt they will ever experience. With almost every couple I counsel, one of the first things I hear is, “We just cannot communicate with each other.”

That’s why effective communication is one of the main things we’ll collaborate on. In order to do that, I’ll lead you through considering and discussing the ways you both connect, fight, disagree, and so on. We’ll also discuss each of your thought patterns when in the heat of the moment.

Respectful, loving communication resolves multiple problems! For most couples, once they are able to communicate, they can quickly make progress towards resolving the other issues they come to counseling with. Other topics that affect communication are cognitive distortions, unresolved hurts or wounds, breaking fair fighting rules, and differing motivators between husband and wife. A happier marriage is possible… once topics like these are addressed!

I’m also certified in Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage (LYW), click on the image below for more information about LYW.

FAQs

Q: How will you balance working with both of us without taking sides?

A: There are always two sides to the story. Even though they’re different, neither is right, and neither is wrong. But they may be a little tainted from the baggage each person brings to their relationship. Therapy is not about refereeing the truth—because each of us perceives things differently. If I were to go about taking sides, we’d never make progress. Instead, the goal of counseling is to help heal the relationship and then find common ground to build on. 

Q: When is the right time for us to begin seeing a therapist? When is it too late or too early?

A: Unless the divorce papers are signed, it’s not too late. I would encourage people not to blink. Go find a therapist before it’s your last-ditch effort, or you already have a foot out the door. The sooner the better.

Q: How is the time spent? Do you see us both together the whole time?

A: My philosophy is that you can argue for free at home. That’s why I start off seeing the couple together to take everyone’s temperature. My hope is that we continue with couples counseling until we’re done… but it’s really dependent on the couple.

If I find that either of you can’t quit going to war with the other, then I divide you up for individual appointments until both of you are getting to a better place individually. We’ll talk about communication and being able to hear without being defensive. You can come back as a couple once both of you are ready to come to the table ready to practice the skills that will help you make progress in the relationship.